Advice On Friendship

Advice on Friendship: Beginning Your Friendship

Any advice on friendship must begin by acknowledging that there is risk involved in forming a friendship. The initial risk is in being willing to put yourself in social or group situations where there is the possibility of interaction with others.

Common sense advice on friendship to those who are loners is to take that initial risk of putting yourself in the company of those who might become friends.

Find an activity that you love so much you can’t wait to do it. A whole new world of friendships can open up to you when you find an activity you have a passion for. Be open to meeting new friends who share your interests.

One person may feel an attraction to another but cannot be totally certain of the other's response. This sense of being drawn to another can arise from the same type of chemistry that sparks a love relationship. However, one person must take the risk of reaching out for a friendship to begin.

Friendships begin in many ways. Once you have captured the attention of another person or vice-versa, you must expand on that original attraction. Short and to-the-point friendship advice is: have frequent contact and conversation. This is what opens the door to greater possibilies.

Advice on Friendship: Growing A Friendship

The ability to grow a friendship from any of these initial opportunities is what takes real skill. It comes down to following a few pieces of advice on friendship that will cultivate intimacy and deepen your relationship. Your friendship will grow because of the choices you both make, and the trust you build together.

• Talking is essential to friendship: Talking between friends requires reciprocity. In a mutually satisfying friendship, both friends talk and both friends listen. Friends talk appropriately to each other.


• Friends listen to each other: Listening to friends is an important step in building a closer friendship. We often take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.


• Friends acknowledge each other: Advice about friendships that have a chance to prosper is to accept another without trying to change them. Many conflicts in your personal relationships can be avoided if you will take the time to acknowledge others' feelings and points of view.


• Friends attend to their friends: Friends focus during conversations. Friends pay attention in conversations. It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at the time.


• Friends show empathy: Empathy is identifying with your friend's feelings and seeing life through your friend's eyes. Confidences are freely given when they are received with empathy among friends.


• Friends touch:
Touching is a warm form of communication between friends. When you see best friends communicating, you will notice friends "listen with their eyes," stand close together, and touch comfortably.

• Friends offer praise: Affirmation is a powerful tool for growing a friend. Genuine praise can affect your friends' lives. Be liberal with praise for all of your friends, including your casual ones.


• Friends are loyal and trustworthy: Trust and loyalty go hand-in-hand for friends. Friends can trust you with their secrets, both large and small, because good friends never break a confidence. Good friends are forever loyal!


• Friends are equal: In a healthy relationship, friends are equals. Not 50/50 every time, of course, but with a true, lasting friendship it always evens out in the end.


• Friends share their feelings: We feel closest to our friends when we are suffering together, when we feel like our friend needs us, or when we feel a friend has shared something of great importance with us.


• Friends cannot read each others' minds: The person who thinks, "If you really liked me, you could read my mind" will not have an adult friendship. No friend can read your mind. And you cannot read your friend's mind.

Advice on Friendship: Deepening A Friendship

Once you have a growing friendship, the best friendship advice you can receive is to take good care of it. A flower will not grow without water and sunshine. The same is true for friendship. If you have not ever explored advice on friendship, and don't know where to begin, let me offer these tips:

• Make your friend and friendship a priority: Don't be too lazy to make the effort to keep in touch. Call once in a while just to say hello. Email something that you know will interest your friend or make her laugh. Make frequent plans to spend time together doing something you both enjoy.


• Be open and transparent: It is easy to feel close to people who reveal themselves to us. That gives us permission to open ourselves to them too. When people take off their masks, others are drawn to them.


• Dare to express affection for your friend: Find opportunities to let your friend know what you like and admire about them. Tell them how their friendship has enhanced your life. Don't exaggerate; be sincere. We can determine through the actions of another if they return our affection but hearing the words that confirm it is a gift.
  
• Practice acts of friendship: Sharing a meal is a wonderful way to deepen friendship. The good food and meaningful conversation create a lasting bond. Make more memories by taking a trip together, doing a project together, attending a concert together---the possibilities are endless.
  

Advice on Friendship: Letting Go of A Friendship

There are many reasons a friendship will, or must, end. A friendship may not have been based on mutual feelings of care for one another from the beginning. The other person may have had motives in pursuing a relationship with you that you did not become aware of until after you opened yourself to them. Some types of false or toxic friends include:

• The Betrayer: Someone you have considered a friend discloses your secrets and betrays your confidence. They may double-cross you, constantly disappoint you and break promises. In a worst case scenario, they will cheat, lie or steal.
  
• The Taker: This person enters into a friendship with you because you have something to offer that they want. It may be your connections to other people, your influence or your money. This kind of false friend may borrow and fail to return things, including money. They are likely to be self-absorbed, talking about themselves and their interests, never asking about you or your life. This person wants what you have, not to know you for who you are. They will leave you behind when they find someone who has more to offer.


• The Controller: This toxic friend needs to dominate you or the friendship. Decisions about what to do together, where to go or, sometimes, even what to think are not made together. Rather the will of the controller is imposed on you. They are prone to faultfinding and are overly critical. They are most often negative and they make you feel that way as well.


• The Abuser: An abusive person is likely to be obsessive, possessive and exhibit manipulative behavior. They verbally, physically, or sexually harm you. The abuse is not only physical, but psychological as well. An abuser may try to keep you isolated from other friends. They may call you obsessively. They are likely to try to make you feel guilty, afraid or dependent. Some of their behavior may even be criminal such as stalking you.


• The Therapist: This person wants to be overly involved in your life. They have a need to analyze everything and give you unwanted advice. Making you appear dependent on them and their "wisdom" makes them feel superior. They appear to need to be a friend's keeper, mother or nursemaid, rather than an equal.

Advice on Friendship: Lifelong Friendship

Some of us have lived in so many places that our connections to people we have known do not continue without great effort. Nevertheless, we can form friendships at any age that can last for the remainder of our lifetime.

Advice about friendship that lasts for a lifetime includes doing the same things you did while you were pursuing, and growing, your friendship. These same practices that involve time and intimacy are what will secure your a lifelong friendship.

Don’t allow friendships to fade. Never take your friend for granted. Every relationship will thrive, or wither, according to the nurture and love that is given to it.

One of my favorite friendship poems is:

“Make new friends, but keep the old;
one is silver and the other is gold.”

These lines are the lyrics from a classic tune, and are so very true. People who live their lives without a circle of friends have failed to follow advice on friendship. They don’t know what they are missing. All they know is that they are depressed and downhearted and have lost their spirit for living.

We are social creatures who do not do well when we are alone. People willing to work toward healthy friendships enjoy a far richer and more meaningful life.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw,
"I just wanted to be sure of you."
~A.A. Milne

Subscribe to Letter From Mom

Return From Advice on Friendship to
Advice From Mom Home Page