" I want to be Inependent" after a great 4 year relationship really??

by ivey
(west la)

I normally dont post but I just feel this is a good way to vent and learn from this as well as hear other opinions.

Heres a quick background, Im 26 and my gf aka now about to be ex girlfriend is 24. We met 4 years ago because we lived in the same building and things just hit off instantly, we went out for 6 months at first but she ended up moving out of state and broke it off with me after 6 months. Prior to this my longest relationship was maybee a few months if that.

I made an effort not to get into relationships because I didnt want to get hurt and I enjoyed being single and having no obligations to any female, other than showing them a good time one or twice a week. Well I practically fell in love with this chick and gave up my ideas of keeping a wall between woman and put myself out their for her 110%. Im very glad I did it was great. So anyway after the first 6 months we broke up then about 5 months later she came back and we started talking again and eventually started dating again. Next thing you know we ended up moving in together in a nice apartment right in the middle of the city.

First year was great, 2nd year was still great except one day she told me she wants to be independent and find her self. I told her she can do as she pleases but It would be silly to waste 2 plus years because now she wants to be independent and single. So we ended up working things out or at least so I thought, althought mentally after hearing this I was prepared to hear something similar down the line and since have kept my guard up to this point, .

Now about a year later from that date which is now our 3rd year of living together She said the same Exact thing " I want to be independent and try living on my own " " I never lived alone and have always been in relationships now I just want to see if I can do it on my own" That is pretty much exactly what she said. Except this time she sounded like she ment it and was very sad and emotional. Ironically when she told me that I was not as hurt as I was last year when she said the same thing. Now dont get me wrong Im very much hurt and sad and angry but for whatever reason Im not shocked. Just like in any relationship the passion has died down over the years but I like to think we still have great sex and what really kept us together this whole time is our chemistry, This girl is amazing on every level , theirs never a dull moment and we always seem to have a great time and wherever we go she makes me look good and vice versa.

Today is July 6th and tommorow she is flying back home for 3 weeks to see her family and also do some work for this annual rodeo show she does every year. What hurts also is the fact that I was going to come out their for a week to spend time with her and mainly her family. We had been planning it for a few months now for this summer . Well she literally told me the bad news a day before I was about to buy my plane ticket. In a way Im glad she did because it would have super akward if I flew out their with her and then she told me. She said I can still go and she hasnt told her parents or anyone about the break up but I told her it would be to painful to be there knowing that most likely were splitting up when she returns. This gives us 3 weeks to see if their any seperation anxiety and to see if maybee will end up missing each other to much and will try to work it out again.


Realistically I told her I don't think we will be able to fix this and I don't want this issue to keep coming up in the future. Its extra hard because I work from home on the computer and its only a one bedroom and she works at a bar often very late till 3 or 4 am. Its been about a week since she told me this and were still sleeping together and stuff just trying to be less touchy touchy and saying I love you to a minimal. Its very hard for me to cuddle her up at nite knowing whats ahead.

Anyway she leaves tomorrow for 3 weeks and I would love to hear some advice as to what to do. We both agreed that we do need to set a move out date soon because we have to give a 30 days notice. Im financially set for now and have no problem moving, her on the other hand its another story. She barely makes enough for herself to cover all her expenses. She will most likely have to get a roomate or two. Which is ironic because she wants to be"independent" I told her I will help with anything she needs, I also feel bad because 80% of the stuff in our apartment is pretty much my stuff, Bed Big Tv exct..

Cliffnotes:
Almost 4 year relationship with 3 years living together.
We had a couple of minor breakups in the past.
Girlfriend wants to be " independent find her career and try the single live"
1st time I ever put myself out their like that, gave her a 110% of my love every day.
Feel very upset and sad not really angry.
I still love her and think she is hot and sexsy and fun and smart and a great person regardless. WE hardly ever argue and get a long great
She taking a 3 week vacation back home. when she gets back will either have a move out date set or will be trying to fix things.

The next step??? setting a move out date and letting the healing process begin.